♥ Yana

Hi.

Me and you, we've drifted for a bit. 

But it's all only because I've been busy looking for a job and yes only 2 days ago I partied.

And also because you haven't been able to go out ever since your mum gave birth.

I do miss you Yana. I've always talked to Farrera about how guilty I feel for drifting from you.

I felt like I haven't been there for you.

But I did have my reasons. 

Insya Allah, tomorrow I'll see you since my dad will be able to give me money then.

It's so hard living in Singapore without an ezlink.

Sigh.

I miss you Yana. I love you as much.

I JUST WANT TO EXPLODE

As the title of this post goes, YES I JUST WANT TO FUCKING EXPLODE.

I feel like bombarding this post with vulgarities, I am really P I S S E D O F F.

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you bitch?

I don't normally hate on people.

I don't hate people.

I'm not that kind.

But you,are lucky number one I guess.

EH SUMPAH LA SIAL, PUKI, KAU KENAPA!?

I don't get why you have to ask him to unfollow me from Twitter, unfriend me on Facebook, delete my photos off his phone and also my number.

Yes, the same guy from my March 18th's post.

Well, so his new date got so jealous when she got to know about our history.

But dude, take a chill pill lah, he's in love with you now what.

I'm no longer his Muse.

FUCKING TAKE A CHILL PILL LA BITCH.

Like, respect our friendship for goodness sake? 

I knew him from Facebook sia and even there, I was deleted.

I bet even our old texts conversations got deleted.

Yes, she's hurt. But what about my feelings now?

I know they aren't important anymore but siala, fuck sia fuck fuck fuck.

I can't believe as I'm ranting here now in anger, I'm also in tears.

LIKE WTF LA WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Yes you've explained to me.

Girls and jealousy and shit.

But no I still can't accept it I CAN'T.

Because why? Her first impression definitely lasted on me.

Her bloody second impression too.

Yes, go take care of her feelings.

Take care of her. 

Kawan tak bawa sampai kahwin. 

Sayang yang bawa sampai kahwin.

So, yeah, go.

LAST UH NAK LET OUT PLEASE AH PLEASE.
AH PALA PUKI SIAL BABI EEEEEEEEEE SIAL LAAAAAA PUKIWAKKKK MATI LAHHHH.
SIAL LA BETAPA SAKIT LAH HATI AKU SEKARANG EH KANINA BUEY.

♥ To give up or not

Some say, give up. Some say, go all out and get him.

I..........don't know.

I feel like I'm wooing the guy here.

He shows little interest. Or sometimes no interest at all.

He doesn't lead me on, he doesn't give me any hopes at all of us being together.

So why am I so affected? 

I.......have no idea. Yes, maybe it was sweet at first, but now there's like, nothing.

But I think, even if this leads to nothing, I just want to be there for him and care for him as a friend would. 

I thought I could act like normal when I saw him last night.

But many a times, I tried to avoid his gaze. And when he was finally beside me, dancing as he teased, I gave my hand to his face. Why......... I'm supposed to be okay with it what. I was okay with it already!

But when I saw him terus, piak in the face for me. Sigh, then the next day he said that I action with him. I missed him yet, I did that. Being all egoistic.

I told him that I won't be that way his next bookout. 

Well, but what I can say is, me and him's impossible.

He'll never fall for me.

He was a  long time crush, he is a friend now and we would always be.

Standard lah aku, yang aku nak selalu, tak dapat.

Oh what's new.

♥ Ini semua normal

My babygirls.

I forgot what happened on Thursday. But I know we went job-hunting on Friday.

Job-hunting habis. Only went for an interview and we are probably getting the job.

So we're gonna be working at the same place!

Some place at Orchard Central ;) 

Had a long talk with the girls, sorted things out and our friendship is now tighter than ever, Alhamdulilah.

So we met the boys too at night. Had loads of beer and also king roberts.

I got drunk, sigh! Haha.

Saturday was Avalon with my girls and the boys too.

Ahlep and his friends were there too.

Thus........Ryne was there too.

THAT ASIDE.

My babygirls and I went to Shake Club from 12am to about 2am for the drinks!

So guess who got too drunk that night? Yana mehehehe.

After Shake, we went back to Avalon to meet up with the rest.

Shake's music was alright lah. Avalon was a bore.

I miss Zirca. 

♥ Dopre

Thanks Farrera for everything that you've done for me in these 2 days.

Love, care and sacrifices.

"Hi sayang. Thanks for pampering me with love and care all the time and especially the last two days. I had so much fun with you just talking about life, love and dissing the banglas. Shishaing with you and your school friends. And I definitely had fun with you playing Para Para Paradise and Guitar Hero. Definitely not forgetting watching Woman in Black together, screaming like mad girls in the cinema and after that meeting up with the boys for a drinking session. Love you babygirl. One day, we'll fall in love with the right people okay! But right now, it's you, me, Yana, Shaa and the boys. Yay!♥ "

As quoted from my wallpost to Farrera on Facebook.

I love my babygirls dearly please.

All 3 of them precious babies; Shaa, Farrera and Yana.

And of course, the boys.

 MONDAY.

Farrera and I went window shopping and she got her dream shoes!

We had dinner at this Ayam Bakar place at Lucky Plaza with Faris and Zan.

We almost got into trouble and we ran for our lives, escaping by a taxi.

After which we went for Shisha! 

I went to Teckwhye after that planning to sleep over at Farrera's.

I also had plans to meet with my ex, Timothy near Farrera's place.

While waiting, Farrera and I had one of our deepest talks on life ever.

Timothy reached after two fucking hours.

But it was really nice that we got to see each other again.

He claims he's never gotten over me, still loves me and wants me back.

But, nah, I can't be with him anymore.

TUESDAY.

Farrera and I woke up late and had to run to Shangri La for her pay.

Oh my god, I almost died from sweating too much.

We went to buy tickets for the movie "Woman In Black".

And played Guitar Hero and Para Para Paradise together.

The movie was good and very suspenseful.

Farrera and I were screaming badly.

After the movie, we headed to Lot 1, to meet the boys.

After much thinking and consideration, we went to Jurong and drank.

Chaos and complications with the Police which made me a very angry human last night.

Got so pissed so off we went to Mif's house for movies and food.

Went home finally and reached home at 10 in the morning.

Now this girl's coming over!

Tired, really tired.

But I'll manage!

♥ Rants

Hi.

Support from my bestfriends and family made me realise that I have to take my love life a little more slower. I tend to rush things and expect so much from a person. I should be taking a break from any more  love drama. Because so far, all it's done to me is break my heart. I guess now is really not my time to fall in love. I can say I'm still a little too young for love. A little too young for commitment. Maybe I'm ready now to fall in love, but I don't have the belief that anything lasts anymore so I'll still back off from it. I can't deny it gets a little lonely sometimes but thinking back, I'm so busy with my friends and my current life, I don't know how to give time if I had a boyfriend also. Yes sure, he can come hang out with me and my friends. But you know, it'll just be different. I'll just let things be as they are. What happens, happens. Whoever I've said that I'll still be there for, I will. If things work out, then they work out. If they don't, I'll just try my best to not give a fuck. I have to buck up and make myself a stronger person. I'm always landing myself in stupid heartbreaks and I am tired. My bestfriends tell me I'm too soft-hearted. I have to stop being so weak. I have to. And, I'll try. I will. I have to stop falling so easily, I have to stop being so naive, I have to stop crying over stupid guys. Throughout all these, I'm glad that my bestfriends and family have always been by my side, be it by scoldings or advising, they're always there. I love everyone of you in my life, so dearly.

That aside. I would like to rant about, well. Someone I've blogged about before. But he shall not be named in this entry. He's someone I've known since well, I think, March last year. And only NOW, have I realised we've known each other for about a year. He's been a great friend, always listening to how my day went, my problems, my happiness, everything. I could share anything with him. Yes, he fell in love with me. But I kept telling myself that I don't love him the way he did. Maybe I didn't realise it, or maybe I really have not loved him then. I remembered when he was fighting a fire in Bukom and last he said that he's going into the fire and he told me to take care. After that, he didn't text me for 11 hours. Plus, I even heard news someone died in the fire. I was totally worried. I started listening to "Should have kissed you - Chris Brown" That's when I realised, that I really care so much about him. But I never told him how much. But of course after that, he was actually safe. I remembered how I actually thanked God for that. But still, I friendzoned him. I fell for another guy. And I remember him posting "Aku bukan pilihan hatimu - Ungu" on his wall. I knew he was hurt, angry even maybe. But he still stood by my side. The guy I fell for, was of course a jerk to me. (Bila tak?) But no matter what, he was there, listening to my complaints of how the jerk was treating me, comforting me all the time. Eventually the jerk left, and he was still in my life. Never failing to ask how my day went everyday. We would and could talk about anything and everything. We would imagine ourselves getting married, we would imagine having kids together and how we would treat them. I remember how we can't go on even a day without texting. We would miss each other like mad. As I'm ranting now, I have to admit, I really miss all these. I'm wondering why am I ranting about him now. Okay going on. Things got fine. But again, itchy backside Zirah has to fall for someone else again! And this time, I avoided his texts, his calls. And soon, he stopped too when he knew I was falling for someone else again. Who the hell can tahan anyway, friendzoned twice? Sigh. But he said that he would still always love me and be there for me but just that, we're strictly just friends now. So, slowly............ both of us moved on. We stopped texting as much. But we still met up. On random days or just, bump into each other. Days and months go by, we got used to not having contact with each other. But occasionally we would text to ask about each other's well doing. We would still end our conversation with "I love you." no matter who we were seeing. Then........He met this girl who is well, greatly disliked by me and my friends because of the first impression she left on us. Well, he started getting serious. And slowly, I felt like he's totally distant from me already. I started missing him a whole damn lot. And yesterday........He told me, he.........have fallen for this girl. I know I'm not supposed to, but I felt angry for a while. Then I felt so jealous. I did told him before that I couldn't see him love anyone else, but I can't be with him either. I know I'm selfish. But I don't know. I don't know. Why did I feel jealous? I'm supposed to be happy for him right? I mean, he should have felt worse when I was telling him about the other guys and when I'm falling for them. So, I really shouldn't be feeling this way. But I can't help it, I do feel, jealous. Sigh. Well, we had a pact, that if both of us aren't married by my age of 26...........we would marry each other. HAHA, but again, I highly doubt so lah.

I shall end my post here. 

Bye!

♥ Weekends

Hi lovelies.

Here's how my weekends went.

Friday was a meet up with my usual babies.

Farrera was working so she didn't come to meet us.

Saturday was Double O with them.

Bad beginning, great ending.

Friday.

Saturday

♥ Random Questions

• 1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
• *It was the guy, that I blogged about before this post. Yes.
• 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
• *Hahahaha, just did?
• 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
• *I can't seem to remember :/
• 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
• *Yeah sure.
• 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
• *Not dating anyone at the moment.
• 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
• *Yes.
• 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
• *Singfest crew tshirt and yoga pants hahaha sleeping clothes.
• 8. How often do you listen to music?
• *Everyday. Before bed, in the toilet, in the bus, in the train? Almost anywhere I can.
• 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
• *Jeans.
• 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
• *I.......don't think so. Unless, I start working seriously.
• 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
• *I would say......social.
• 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?
• *HAHA YEAH.
• 13. What about ‘R’?
• *Nope.
• 14. Can you drive a stick shift?
• *Whhhhat?
• 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
• *I do :/
• 16. Are you going out of town soon?
• *I wish! But nah.
• 17. When was the last time you cried?
• *Thursday, 15 March.
• 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
• *Yes of course.
• 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
• *Yeah. Make the pupil bigger also. 
• 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
• *At the moment......... My brother? 
• 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
• *I ate 3 burgers.
• 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
• *Yes it is.
• 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
• *My brother? NO!
• 24. What are you sitting on right now?
• *A green chair.
• 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
• *Yes, my babygirls and boys.
• 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
• *Duh all the time.
• 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
• *Yana.
• 28. Do you get a lot of colds?
• *Nope.
• 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
• *Singfest 2010
• 30. Does anyone hate you?
• *I guess so! :(
• 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
• *HAHA YES. 
• 32. Do you like watching scary movies?
• *NO. BIG NO.
• 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
• *Already pierced.
• 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
• *I can't think of any answer to this sia seriously.
• 35. Did you have a dream last night?
• *Not that I can remember.
• 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
• *Yesterday.
• 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
• *Aged 24? Hmmmm, nope!
• 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
• *Ahhhhh,yes.
• 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
• *I don't know, sigh don't think so.
• 40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
• *Yes I did.
• 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
• *Last was a year ago.
• 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
• *Tuesday? No.
• 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
• *Yeah :')
• 44. What’s the best part about school?
• *Food, friends and getting good results.
• 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
• *Who doesn't..................
• 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
• *Yes!
• 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
• *Yes, all the time.
• 48. Were you single over the last summer?
• *Yes.
• 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
• *Back when I was 17? LOL BIG NO.
• 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
• *Nothing!
• 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
• *Nope.
• 52. Are you nice to everyone?
• *No, but almost?
• 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
• *HAHA YES SIGH.
• 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
• *I can, if the other party can too.
• 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
• *No, if they know me well.
• 56. Do you think you like someone?
• *Yes.
• 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
• *Nope.
• 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
• *Boys are easier to get along with. Besides my babygirls.
• 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
• *DUH.
• 60. Do you hate anyone?
• *Not that I can think of right now.
• 61. How’s your heart?
• *Hmm, healing? 
• 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
• *Oh yes.
• 63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
• *HAHAHAHA BIG YES.
• 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
• *Hmmm, I have no idea :/
• 65. Are your toenails painted pink?
• *No.
• 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
• *I HOPE NOT PLEASE.
• 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
• *Not too much ah please don't be boyjiwang.
• 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
• *Nope.
• 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
• *Juppy.
• 70. How do you look right now?
• *MASAI NAK MAMPUS.
• 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
• *Of course.
• 72. Can you commit to one person?
• *Yes.
• 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
• *HAIS :') YES.
• 74. Have you ever felt replaced?
• *YES.
• 75. Did you wake up cranky?
• *Nope.
• 76. Are you a jealous person?
• *Yes.
• 77. Are relationships ever worth it?
• *Lately, no.
• 78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
• *Nope.
• 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
• *Yes, but..........hmm.
• 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
• *Accompany Farrera get her pay.
• 81. Last person you cried in front of?
• *My mom.
• 82. Is there someone you will never forget?
• *Yes.
• 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
• *Nope.
• 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
• *Talking, and just........talking.
• 85. Are you over your past?
• *Not really.
• 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
• *Haha yes.
• 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
• *YES.
• 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
• *:') I would hug him so tight first please. And then, forgive him.
• 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
• *Yeah.
• 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
• *HAHAHAHA SO MANY.
• 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
• *Highly doubt so.
• 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
• *Mmmmmm no.
• 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
• *No.
• 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
• *Nope.
• 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
• *No no no no.
• 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
• *Shazni? :)
• 97. Who do you have texts from?
• *As in my inbox? My babygirls. Moonboy, Ryne, Dragon, Muz.
• 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
• *Dah biasa.
• 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
• *YES LA DUH.
• 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
• *Nobody.
• 101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
• *Nope.
• 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
• *Yeah man.