♥ Rants

Hi.

Support from my bestfriends and family made me realise that I have to take my love life a little more slower. I tend to rush things and expect so much from a person. I should be taking a break from any more  love drama. Because so far, all it's done to me is break my heart. I guess now is really not my time to fall in love. I can say I'm still a little too young for love. A little too young for commitment. Maybe I'm ready now to fall in love, but I don't have the belief that anything lasts anymore so I'll still back off from it. I can't deny it gets a little lonely sometimes but thinking back, I'm so busy with my friends and my current life, I don't know how to give time if I had a boyfriend also. Yes sure, he can come hang out with me and my friends. But you know, it'll just be different. I'll just let things be as they are. What happens, happens. Whoever I've said that I'll still be there for, I will. If things work out, then they work out. If they don't, I'll just try my best to not give a fuck. I have to buck up and make myself a stronger person. I'm always landing myself in stupid heartbreaks and I am tired. My bestfriends tell me I'm too soft-hearted. I have to stop being so weak. I have to. And, I'll try. I will. I have to stop falling so easily, I have to stop being so naive, I have to stop crying over stupid guys. Throughout all these, I'm glad that my bestfriends and family have always been by my side, be it by scoldings or advising, they're always there. I love everyone of you in my life, so dearly.

That aside. I would like to rant about, well. Someone I've blogged about before. But he shall not be named in this entry. He's someone I've known since well, I think, March last year. And only NOW, have I realised we've known each other for about a year. He's been a great friend, always listening to how my day went, my problems, my happiness, everything. I could share anything with him. Yes, he fell in love with me. But I kept telling myself that I don't love him the way he did. Maybe I didn't realise it, or maybe I really have not loved him then. I remembered when he was fighting a fire in Bukom and last he said that he's going into the fire and he told me to take care. After that, he didn't text me for 11 hours. Plus, I even heard news someone died in the fire. I was totally worried. I started listening to "Should have kissed you - Chris Brown" That's when I realised, that I really care so much about him. But I never told him how much. But of course after that, he was actually safe. I remembered how I actually thanked God for that. But still, I friendzoned him. I fell for another guy. And I remember him posting "Aku bukan pilihan hatimu - Ungu" on his wall. I knew he was hurt, angry even maybe. But he still stood by my side. The guy I fell for, was of course a jerk to me. (Bila tak?) But no matter what, he was there, listening to my complaints of how the jerk was treating me, comforting me all the time. Eventually the jerk left, and he was still in my life. Never failing to ask how my day went everyday. We would and could talk about anything and everything. We would imagine ourselves getting married, we would imagine having kids together and how we would treat them. I remember how we can't go on even a day without texting. We would miss each other like mad. As I'm ranting now, I have to admit, I really miss all these. I'm wondering why am I ranting about him now. Okay going on. Things got fine. But again, itchy backside Zirah has to fall for someone else again! And this time, I avoided his texts, his calls. And soon, he stopped too when he knew I was falling for someone else again. Who the hell can tahan anyway, friendzoned twice? Sigh. But he said that he would still always love me and be there for me but just that, we're strictly just friends now. So, slowly............ both of us moved on. We stopped texting as much. But we still met up. On random days or just, bump into each other. Days and months go by, we got used to not having contact with each other. But occasionally we would text to ask about each other's well doing. We would still end our conversation with "I love you." no matter who we were seeing. Then........He met this girl who is well, greatly disliked by me and my friends because of the first impression she left on us. Well, he started getting serious. And slowly, I felt like he's totally distant from me already. I started missing him a whole damn lot. And yesterday........He told me, he.........have fallen for this girl. I know I'm not supposed to, but I felt angry for a while. Then I felt so jealous. I did told him before that I couldn't see him love anyone else, but I can't be with him either. I know I'm selfish. But I don't know. I don't know. Why did I feel jealous? I'm supposed to be happy for him right? I mean, he should have felt worse when I was telling him about the other guys and when I'm falling for them. So, I really shouldn't be feeling this way. But I can't help it, I do feel, jealous. Sigh. Well, we had a pact, that if both of us aren't married by my age of 26...........we would marry each other. HAHA, but again, I highly doubt so lah.

I shall end my post here. 

Bye!