♥ Sarepap )':

Someone I call sister, and brother.

My best friends that I can't wait to reunite with.

Haaaai.

Pictures above were taken the night before she was taken away from me.

We were just spending our last moments together with our favourite companion, Amsterdam as usual. We knew of the huge possibility that she might be going in but still somehow we thought positive because I just got tagging. That night was filled with tears and trying to smile for each other. We imagined life without each other. Life inside and outside.

Then we started listening to "Talking to the moon". That's why I always listen to this song if I miss her. I thought there was still a glimpse of hope that she won't go in. But I was wrong.

On 19 Nov 2010, she had to leave me. Things just changed after that.

She used to be the face I wake up to every afternoon.

Someone who'd fetch me from school.

Someone who'd meet me everyday and still not get bored.

Someone I could count on any minute I needed her.

Someone who'd bring me breakfast, lunch or dinner if I was sick.

Someone who was with me almost every minute that I was awake.

I was never alone when she was around.

My bus/train rides were never lonely.

Walking home was always fun with her.

Someone who stuck with me when everybody else gave up.

Someone who knew what I was thinking without me saying anything.

Someone who behaves just like me.

Someone who thinks just like me.

Imagine suddenly losing your best friend.

Everything just changed.

Yes I still have other friends.

But losing her was unbearable.

I was so used to her presence and since she was always around me, it was so fucking painful when she just suddenly left.

Seeing girls with their bestfriends outside or online, just makes me so jealous.

They made me miss mine so much.

Maybe some people would think that I'm overreacting to her going in.

That's maybe because you've not had a real best friend and lost her then.

I've already regarded her like blood, since our families are close to each other also.

She saw me grew.

She saw me change.

I saw her grew.

And I saw her change too.

Everywhere I go, whatever I do, there's always something that will remind me of you.

Sometimes, I would even accidently call any of my girlfriends "Shaa" if they do something that reminds me of you. There's too much that we have gone through together through all these years that I just can't even have the thought of replacing you.

What made me blog about her again today?

Well, if you readers know, today I went to visit my babygirl right?

It was lovely that I got to see her.

But sadly, the makcik there is just damn bloody troublesome and told me to wait outside afterwards.

I wasn't given a chance to talk anymore and worse, I didn't get to hug her!

I could just sit outside bearing the heat today, and wave to her from the multi purpose hall which you can barely see the inside, just shadows.

It was fucking fucked up.

When the visit ended, I was frantically waving to her from outside and telling her to hurry to her dorm windows where we could communicate more.

When she was at her windows, I could see that she was stopping herself from crying and I was too. I signalled to her "xoxo" and gestured a hug signal and she did the same.

She told me that she was gonna play carrom soon and asked if I was going anywhere tonight.

I said I wasn't.

We both shouted that we missed each other and then it was time to walk away already.

I couldn't stop waving. And after a while, I felt my tears flowing.

Somehow, goodbye was extra painful just now.

I shouted from afar that I love her and she gave me a "good" hand signal.

We waved to each other till we couldn't see each other already.

It broke my heart that we couldn't walk on the same road together.

It broke my heart that I was out and she was in there.

Just.. So.. Far away..

I swear I can't wait for us to be reunited again.

Life seems meaningless without her.

I feel like I'm not myself anymore.

But I know, the real Zirah will be back, once we're reunited once again.

Even that boy, Mohamed Hafeez, I'm waiting for your release too.

I can't wait for three of us' reunion.

We've been through so much together.

Those times of partying, junking, not coming home for weeks, running away from the govt dogs, seeing true colours of our different friends. And just so much.

I miss Little Iqa too. Gosh that little girl must have grown so big already.

Probably even forgotten about Aunty Chicken here since Papa went in.

My two bestfriends, sigh.. I miss you guys.

And that is us, with Little Iqa who was the apple of our eyes'.

We were like one small happy family and I miss that.

I miss this little girl who calls me Aunty Chicken.

I hope you've not forgotten our times together with Papa.

I'll be waiting for the day of their releases.

With love,

Zirah.